The quiet loneliness of my 20s was almost sacred when I think of how I worshipped Escape.
Stumbling into the happy hour,
Stumbling into the bar where I knew no one and acted like I didn’t care…
2019
UNTITLED (OCT 2019)
As she stood in front of him
Loving
Every one of the hers that loved before stood in a line waiting to ask “Why?”
SUNRISE
my anxieties wrap around me like a too-warm blanket.
my eyes closed too-tight with the windows too-shut.
CHAOS HIDES
Driving home from a moment with her, unplanned, I had the money to eat a meal that was once saved for special occasions
Or lunch specials only because it was cheaper that way.
PHOENIX
I am a rainbow on fire.
My colors explode across the sky so bright and fast that eyes can barely see it. The violet bursts and drips into melted gold, molten, like my heart. I’ve always been gilded in it, shining out of the corner of your eye. You turn your head to see, but only the edges are there. Red, bloody and coarsing, proof of life, is a shock to everyone, especially me.
But it turns out that I’ve been pulsing like an angry river through and through, ever since I could first dream of the pleasure that promptly is drained from us because we didn’t know any better.
I can remember where I left it, the yellow and orange, flames around your lips, around your hands, around my waist, next to the van they always left unlocked and we claimed as our sanctuary. Children on fire, blinding and perfect. Fan their flames. I think of them now & conjure my colors back. In the ash, I hope it’s not too late.
HEAVY HIGH
My head spins with you in my mouth
In my heart, I soften.
My brain wraps around you
And around you
And around you
HER VISION WAS NEVER THE SAME
They make us feel like heartbreak is normal, like abandonment is so normal that everyone has experienced it, or will.
Read MoreTHE FUNCTION OF FAMILY
She threw the blinds open
Brightness spilling into the room we all shared
I yelled & she yelled back,
Bratty and rude
like a sister
BODIES DON'T FORGET
There are worlds inside of us that only make sense when we remember how bad things used to be. We could go years, decades not remembering, but feeling a part of ourselves, not understanding it, feeling confused and lonely for it.
Read MoreNEW YEARS 2019
I struggle for the words to wish you well without the words to tell you that you have everything you need to give it to yourself.
I’d like to cheer for you, but I see you clearly on the field, ready and in uniform, pleated skirt, jumping in time for your team.
CASTLES
they said we could be anything as they crashed their tax evasion into the high rise of our bank accounts.
they told us stories of the castles of our future, birthright to be better than they were.